Pursuing Sustainable Contentment

Life can be really tough at times, and there’s no denying this. But life can also be filled with major highs, successes, happiness and amazing moments. And, in between these two extremes, there is what many of us know best - ‘normal’ everyday life. Getting through busy days, working, caring for others, sorting the endless admin and logistics that keep everything ticking over.

Because our lives are so busy, we often have very little time to consider our own sense of contentment. It can even be tricky to know if what we’re feeling is contentment, or just routine. Sometimes it’s a gentle calm. Sometimes it’s boredom. And sometimes, we’re so focused on just keeping going that we forget to check in with ourselves at all.

Many of us are careful not to rock the boat. We stay in the same stressful job, an unhappy relationship, or another part of life that isn’t really serving us - not because it makes us happy, but because it’s familiar.

So, how can we begin to take note of where we are right now, accept it, and make the changes we need? How can we learn to listen to what our emotions are trying to tell us, and use this insight to find a sustainable sense of contentment from within?

True contentment does exist. We just need to learn to listen to what we need in order to achieve it.

What Does Contentment Feel Like?

In many cultures, contentment is seen as one of the highest achievements of a human being. It’s what enlightened teachers and yogis have been writing about for centuries.

It’s hard to define, and for each of us it can feel slightly different. One of the best ways I’ve ever heard it described is as “the knowledge of being enough.” It’s the quiet feeling that you are enough, what you have is enough, and that despite everything going on around you, you remain steady at your centre.

In the West, we often chase happiness through achievements - promotions, possessions, ticking off milestones. But this endless pursuit can lead to stress, anxiety and burnout. We develop unhelpful coping mechanisms: overworking, overspending, numbing, or constantly seeking external validation. These might give us a short burst of happiness, but they rarely last.

Contentment is different. We know that constant happiness isn’t sustainable - there will always be loss, challenges, worries, or change. But contentment allows us to navigate those ups and downs with more steadiness.

Contentment Doesn’t Come Through Achievement

Many people feel deeply frustrated by their life’s limitations. They believe that true contentment will arrive when they land the dream job, move into the dream house, meet the perfect partner, or earn enough to finally “relax.”

But time and again, we find that these external achievements rarely bring the inner ease we expect. Once the milestone is reached, the goalpost often moves again. Another “next thing” appears.

That’s because contentment can’t be found in achievements alone. It has to be nurtured from within.

Distinguishing Between Needs and Wants

When it comes to contentment, our basic needs still matter deeply. We need food, safety, a sense of belonging, participation, understanding and connection. If these aren’t met, no amount of external “wants” can fill that gap.

A good place to start is by evaluating these foundations. Are there areas of your life that need attention or gentle change? For example:

• Being in a toxic or unfulfilling relationship

• Feeling unsafe or unsettled in your home environment

• Struggling to feel understood at work or in your social circle

• Not nourishing your body with the basics it needs

Our bodies are wise here. When our needs aren’t met, we often experience physical symptoms - tension, fatigue, pain or restlessness.

In Chinese Medicine, this is understood as energy stagnation. Frustration, lack of movement (physical or emotional), or unexpressed emotions can show up in the body. For example, pain around the rib cage is sometimes seen as a sign of this stagnation - the body’s way of saying, something isn’t moving as it should.

Learning to tune into these signs empowers us to take ownership of our wellbeing, rather than leaving it entirely in the hands of others or circumstances we can’t control.

Simplicity and Practising Gratitude

Once we distinguish between needs and wants, we can start to gently let go of what doesn’t serve us. Simplifying our lives often creates more space for contentment to grow.

This might look like working fewer hours, saying no more often, changing direction, or loosening our grip on “shoulds” that keep us stuck.

Gratitude plays a quiet but powerful role here. Not forced positivity, but small moments of thankfulness that keep us grounded in the present.

You might:

• Write down three small things you’re grateful for each day

• Thank someone for something they didn’t expect to be thanked for

• Notice one good thing in a challenging moment

• Send a kind message or note when something touches you

These small practices build a sense of sufficiency - that sense of enoughness that contentment thrives on.

The Modern Challenge

Life today can make contentment harder to cultivate. Rising costs, digital overload, comparison culture and the feeling of being “always on” all contribute to a sense of strain. Many of us are managing a constant mental load, often without space to pause or breathe.

That’s why the pursuit of sustainable contentment isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about finding small, meaningful ways to anchor yourself even when life isn’t perfect.

Finding Support

I work with many people who feel trapped by their circumstances - frustrated by perceived limitations, stretched by responsibilities, or struggling to meet their own needs. Together, we explore ways to let go of what’s draining them, reconnect with what matters, and build a more sustainable foundation for contentment.

This might involve counselling, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, or simply creating the space to reflect and be heard.

Wherever you are in your life or career, I would love to hear from you. I offer face-to-face therapy sessions from my clinic in Harrogate and also online for those further afield.

📞 07787 831 275
📩 patti.hemmings@hotmail.com

Contentment isn’t something you need to chase. It’s something you can learn to cultivate - gently, steadily, in your own time.